


2030

by wtfwonu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ....perhaps the ending was rushed sorry, M/M, didnt expect it to be this long tbh, everything goes downhill towards the end yikes, jaesung, jeno was mentioned once lol, jisung is whipped, markhyuck but theyre lowkey, mona - Freeform, nana is his usual soft self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 01:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16460567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wtfwonu/pseuds/wtfwonu
Summary: a short story about an environmentalist and a lovestruck boyorjisung would like to thank donghyuck because if not for him, the younger boy would never have gotten close to jaemin.





	2030

**Author's Note:**

> it took a while to finish this bc i kept getting distracted lmao but this one's for the jaesung/mona shippers we need more content yo (also this is the first fic i've ever posted on here so it's still rough and gross and not proofread okay bye)

na jaemin has been an environmentalist for as long as he could remember.

the self proclaimed president of the newly established _greener world club_ was raised by a florist and an environmental lawyer, so it was perfectly understandable how the boy’s adoration for nature was unbeatable. though his taste was not conventional - he wasn’t the captain of the football team nor was he the president of the student council - he was still the apple of everyone’s eyes. an absolute sight for sore eyes. an odd prince, if you will, but a prince nonetheless.

however, with all the news going on about the impending end of the world due to the overwhelming amount of greenhouse gas emissions and other related factors, the boy’s heart started to grow bitter. perhaps it even worsened after seeing the lack of reaction from the people destroying his beloved earth and the same people leeching off of its natural resources.

“i’m going to die before 2030.”

lee minhyung, the ace of the track and field club and jaemin’s best friend, choked on his sandwich when he heard the other’s abrupt confession. he immediately folded his right hand into a fist and continuously hit his chest, while the other hand went loose and let the sandwich fall messily on the cafeteria floor. jaemin stared at him, eyes holding no sympathy, and waited for him to get through this dilemma on his own.

once recovered, minhyung sent jaemin a dirty look. however, not even two seconds later his expression was replaced with worry as he remembered the younger boy’s last statement.

he reached a hand out and grabbed a hold of jaemin’s shoulder, “are you terminally ill?”

“no, but the earth is and i don’t want to stick around to watch it deteriorate right in front of my eyes.”

minhyung’s hand instantly fell from jaemin’s shoulder. his once empathic look was now sour and aggravated.

“you little shit,” he huffed. “you almost gave me a heart attack! i thought you were actually dying or something.”

just as he was in the middle of saying this, two other boys came tottering towards them.

huang renjun, the head of the student council’s creatives committee, skillfully held his tray up on one hand and pushed donghyuck with his other hand. though it wasn’t hard enough to topple the other, the whine he elicited was still enough for a small victory hoot.

lee donghyuck, on the other hand, fastened his pace as to avoid being pushed once more. the boy who people gossiped about — mostly because of his confidence and loud claims of becoming famous one day — plopped down beside minhyung and wrapped an arm around the elder’s shoulders. he reached out to grab a fry from jaemin’s platter and tilted his head after hearing the last few words of minhyung’s sentence.

“who’s dying?”

renjun sat opposite of donghyuck and rose his brows, waiting for an answer to the question he didn’t expect to greet him.

sighing, minhyung rolled his eyes. “no one is. nana here is just being dramatic and making dumb claims again.”

jaemin could only shrug and continue eating. honestly, it had become a part of their routine to have at least one person make a dramatic exclamation per day. perhaps today’s was jaemin’s.

“ah. is it about the 2030 thing?” renjun asked, directing his question more towards minhyung than jaemin. minhyung could only nod, the thought of jaemin making more overly dramatic statements already exasperating him.

and maybe it was telepathy, but donghyuck knew exactly what minhyung was thinking. he was thankful that he had suddenly thought of another topic to raise in their small circle.

“nana!” he exclaimed, “i found another interested applicant for your club. didn’t you say you wished we had more members?”

jaemin, whose eyes were previously downcast, blinked up suddenly. the slumped shoulders grew high once more and his dashing smile came to view.

“how many? when can they attend? what are their names?”

words came flying out of his lips and the three boys could barely understand his rapidly fired questions. he had leaned against the table in the middle of his queries and was now eagerly waiting for donghyuck’s response.

if it were any other boy or girl, his wide curious eyes would have already made them swoon. it was just too bad those eyes were currently staring directly at donghyuck, one of the few individuals that had no romantic feelings for him, whatsoever.

“ah, well see, i only found one.”

——

he didn’t remember how he had been dragged into it, but for the last two years, donghyuck and jaemin had been the only members of the greener world club. for a club with only two members, the foundation was still quite strong. though most of the effort came from jaemin’s side, donghyuck would help make posters for advocacy too from time to time and honestly, jaemin didn’t mind their system.

a knock suddenly came from the door, echoing within the walls of room 205. it got both boys’ attention, and once recognition hit him, an excited smile crept its way to donghyuck’s lips.

“come in!” jaemin hollered.

a tall boy peeped in, looking for the owner of the voice he previously heard.

room 205 was quite spacious, definitely more than enough for just two people. but if jaemin’s mother could convince the school to let her son form a club about the environment, she could also do the same to get her son one of the big rooms. quite unfair, but then again, a lot of things in the world were too.

once the two had made eye contact, park jisung immediately felt the tip of his ears warm up. it was as if the scorching sun had rested on his ears. he let his gaze fall on jaemin’s feet instead and spoke.

“is this the- uh, greener world club?”

“yes, you dumb twit. what other club would jaemin be in?” donghyuck butt in. jisung didn’t see it, but donghyuck had been stifling his laughter as he watched the flustered boy.

he looked up once more and directed a sheepish smile to jaemin, then let his eyes turn to slits when he looked at donghyuck.

park jisung, who was quite the sweetheart, was the shy boy that all the teachers adored. he was just the absolute nicest kid in school, or so they thought, as he had such a warm smile and cute little eyes.

yet, here he was, glaring daggers at lee donghyuck.

the two had been associated with each other ever since they became partners for one of those shitty advanced students’ lab experiments. they’d only been partners once but it was enough for the ever so observant donghyuck to notice how jisung kept ogling at jaemin.

_the poor boy almost dropped a test tube just because jaemin walked past them to get some calcium chloride from the front desk._

_“ah, poor park jisung. in love with a boy who’s never breathed in his direction.” donghyuck said without warning._

_it was then that jisung truly did drop the test tube that he had previously been gripping too tight._

_he whipped his head back to look at donghyuck, expression close to being mortified._

_“w-what?”_

_donghyuck merely shrugged and started walking backwards — which was clearly an unsafe act to do in a lab — and said, “i’ve got eyes.”_

_then, he turned around and went to inform the professor of the broken test tube._

after several months of persuasion, donghyuck finally succeeded in getting jisung to at least join the club. maybe now, he repeats over and over, jaemin will finally notice you.

it wasn’t even that jisung wanted to join the stupid club. sure, he loved the earth because he benefited a lot from it and he didn’t want it to turn into that of the world in wall-e, but what did they even do in the club?

he kept telling himself that pining from a far was enough for him. he’s managed to get by with just ogling for the last two years, and never had he actually thought of being in a relationship with na jaemin. the boy was too out of his league, for god’s sake! the only reason he even agreed to this was due to donghyuck’s incessant bugging.

so here he was now, sitting right across his long-term crush, trying his absolute hardest to control himself because apparently his brainstem had stopped working in autopilot and now needed help with every vital body function: breathing, heart rate, and even blood pressure.

“park jisung, right?” jaemin smiled brightly at him.

he could only gulp loudly and nod because _fucking donghyuck, just sitting there and staring at me with his dumb eyes while i suffer at the hands of na jaemin._

thankfully, jisung had chosen (like he even had a choice) to crush over one of those dense boys that could never notice someone going googly eyes at him. at least through this, he had the upper hand.

“cool, we have a like- one class together.”

“oh, he knows.” donghyuck, for the second time that hour, butt in. he even wiggled his brows at jisung just to spite the boy. jisung could only wish that he’d be able to reach out and slap the back of donghyuck’s head without jaemin seeing. but he couldn’t, so he didn’t.

“but aren’t you already in the dance club?” jaemin wondered aloud, head tilting just a few degrees to the right as he gazed at jisung.

the youngest of the three would be lying if he said he didn’t find this extremely adorable. he would also be lying if he said he didn’t take note of the fact that not only did na jaemin know who he was, he also knew what club he was in.

“i— the maximum number of clubs you’re allowed to join is two. it’ll look good in my college apps if i have two clubs, right?”

he was almost proud of himself for being able to say two sentences without dying. he thought he deserved a pat on the back for that. but seeing the way the excitement dropped from jaemin’s face made jisung internally panic, so he continued.

“but i’ve always wanted to learn more about the environment and the steps that need to be done to slower the rate of climate change!” it was as if he wanted to replace what he first answered just so that jaemin wouldn’t be disappointed in his reason for joining the club.

if that was the case then he succeeded because just in a snap, wonder filled jaemin’s eyes once more. he excitedly extended his arms out to hug jisung, and unbeknownst to him, had managed to make jisung’s entire day, week, month, and year.

“welcome to the club.” donghyuck winked.

——

it didn’t take long for jisung to gain jaemin’s trust. after all, jaemin was easily enlightened and jisung was easily loved by those who met him. they had spent every tuesday and thursday afternoon, as well as every lunch time, together (except on wednesdays when jaemin would attend a meeting by a nonprofit organisation).

spending several weeks with jaemin was enough for jisung to get used to the abnormal beating of his heart. he no longer felt weak in the other’s presence. in fact, he now felt the opposite. he thought that whenever jaemin was around, he was capable of doing anything, and absolutely _anything_ just as long as it would add up to jaemin’s net happiness.

it was enough for him, really. just as long as he could be there to at least be the cause of jaemin’s happiness every once in a while. even so, he wouldn’t deny that sometimes, even the simplest acts such as jaemin leaning his head on jisung’s shoulder or jaemin’s face being too close when discussing animal rights, could do as much as leave him absolutely breathless.

anyway, it was okay. jisung had learned to control himself around his crush. now, he only had a _slightly_ more wholesome way of acting around jaemin than he did around the other boys.

jisung had also managed to secure a spot in the group’s table as everyone’s personality just clicked with his. he was glad that he had gotten this opportunity though he would never admit it to donghyuck. the only downside was now, all of jaemin’s friends were informed of his big, fat crush. and honestly, it sucked.

“so when do you plan on telling him you like him?”

jisung looked up to see three curious — maybe even partly mischievous — faces all directing their undivided attentions to him. conveniently, it was a wednesday so he wasn’t anxious of jaemin suddenly hearing their conversation.

his eyes immediately went to search for donghyuck’s own, sending the latter a did you fucking tell on me look. the receiver merely shook his head in denial.

jisung didn’t see this but donghyuck tugged on minhyung’s hand underneath the table the moment that he received that look. and just like the amazing boy he was, minhyung immediately took action.

“it’s pretty obvious, sungie. we all caught on quite fast, to be honest.”

he sported a sympathetic smile, almost as if he felt bad for knowing. it was jisung’s private life after all and they didn’t mean to intrude (or at least minhyung and renjun didn’t) but it wasn’t really their fault that jisung was just so obvious with his feelings.

as mentioned by minhyung, it honestly wouldn’t take a lot of effort to notice just how much jisung adored the boy. the two had become closely acquainted with each other and on the days that minhyung couldn’t walk jaemin to school, jisung would be quick to take the best friend’s place.

the first time they walked to school together, it only took one text from jaemin to get him running from his side of the neighbourhood to the opposite side where the boy lived. jaemin was simply wondering if jisung wanted to meet up before school because the others claimed that they’d be a little late, and poor lovesick jisung instantly replied saying he was willing to pass by jaemin’s so they could walk to school together.

on the frequent occasions that jaemin would jokingly state his desire for a fast death before 2030, jisung would slap his arm, saying, “shut up, nana. don’t say things like that.”

it was evident that even just the thought of jaemin leaving bummed him out, so jaemin had made the promise that he’d stop saying it. however, the boy could barely control his mouth and when agitated, would make the same claims again. upon realization, however, he’d turn to jisung and with a sheepish smile, mumble the same phrase: _aish, sorry sungie. i did it again!_

of course, jisung could only wave his hand and accept the apology. the boy was staring at him with those sparkling eyes and regretful expression; what was he supposed to do, say no?

so since then, it had become a never ending cycle for the two.

the two had also gone on a few sugar sprees too. the first time it happened, minhyung warned jisung the moment that jaemin invited him out to buy sweets. apparently, the boy had a massive sweet tooth.

_“listen, jisung. get as far away as you can now because he’s gonna use up all your money on those dumb chocolate rocks.”_

_minhyung’s eyes held amusement as he spoke. he enjoyed watching jaemin whine and tug on his arm like a child. to an extent, he was also entertained with the lovestruck boy that watched the naive one clinging on his arm._

_“don’t spread lies about me, minhyung-ah. i’ve never spent all your money!” the whining ensued. he then turned his attention to jisung and rapidly shook his head, “i swear, i’ve never!”_

_“no worries, nana. i believe you.” jisung chuckled._

_minhyung could only roll his eyes at the two. he pried the boy’s hands off his arm and pushed him in jisung’s direction._

_“get out of here, you two. go get tooth aches or whatever.”_

jisung should have listened to minhyung and ran as far as he could, because after their sugar session, just as predicted, he had used up all of his money. he was still happy though. that was the first time that jaemin held his (incredibly clammy) hand.

so yeah, maybe he was immensely happy that he didn’t listen to minhyung.

though no matter how hard jisung tried to change the subject, the three boys always knew how to return it back to their favorite topic: jisung’s failed love life feat jaemin’s clueless nature.

“don’t call me that, it’s gross.” he huffed.

donghyuck let out a chortle and rose a brow, “so when we call you sungie, it’s gross. but when jaemin calls you that, it’s cute?”

he frowned, “it’s not _cute_. it’s just—“

“bearable when jaemin says it?”

“...yes.”

renjun snickered and slapped the back of jisung’s head.

“whipped.”

minhyung cleared his throat, causing the chuckles to end. he met jisung’s gaze and asked, “but for real, when do you plan on confessing?”

all the boy could do was shrug as he hadn’t really planned on ever confessing. every single _realistic_ romcom that he’s seen never showed a positive end in confessing so he opted to remove that from his options. now, his agenda only involved turning his romantic feelings into platonic ones.

this was enough for the boys to understand. they decided to instead talk about their second favorite topic: renjun and his growing crush on one of jisung’s club mates in dance, lee jeno.

jisung was glad that it only took one conversation for both renjun and minhyung to lay off the topic of his one sided crush. donghyuck, however, was a special case but at least he only needed to control one boy’s mouth to prevent jaemin from ever finding out.

the next day, the two were walking to school together once again. minhyung had to go to school extra early for a track meet and didn’t want jaemin to have to wake up at five am so he gave jisung a call for heads up.

see, jaemin wasn’t allowed to walk to and from school alone so minhyung had always kept him company. best friend duty, as minhyung referred to it as.

the two had a great system: minhyung would fetch jaemin from his house in the morning and jaemin would either study on the bleachers or stay in room 205 as he waited for minhyung’s training to end everyday. on the rare occasion when they couldn’t walk together, renjun, donghyuck, and now jisung, would be the substitute.

“all the news articles i read talked about how global warming is right at our doorstep,” jaemin said.

he kicked a stray rock and pouted. his nose was slightly scrunched up and he was glaring at the floor. jisung couldn’t believe how someone who looked so frustrated still managed to be overwhelmingly charming. it was unfair, really, it was.

“i really don’t want to see that. i should probably die before 2030.” he grumbled and kicked another rock.

this earned him a harsh push on the arm, almost sending him falling on the nearby bush. he turned to glare at jisung, but instead, felt his jaw drop and eyes widen as realization dawned on him. he immediately grabbed onto jisung’s arm and tugged gingerly.

“aish, jisung-ah. i’m sorry, i did it again!”

times like these made it especially hard for jisung to control the urge to just grab the boy’s face and kiss the living daylights out of him. besides, jaemin was just right there and he looked particularly kiss worthy that day. fortunately, he managed to suppress the urge, locking it in a box and setting it aside.

in line with this, it had also come to his knowledge that jaemin was an avid fan of giving and receiving affection. jaemin, himself, mentioned that he loved giving jisung hugs and wanted to protect the boy he claimed to be his baby. he’d gush over how adorable the boy was all the time and treated him with such care and fondness.

somehow, it made it harder for the small part in jisung’s being that hoped for his feelings to be reciprocated. determining whether his actions were platonic or romantic would take a lot of work from jisung’s dendrites and so he opted to just shut it out. there was no need to know whether jaemin liked him _like that_ or not, he knew it would only set him up for heartbreak.

so jisung shook his head and removed the boy’s hands from his arm. instead, he wrapped his now free arm around jaemin’s shoulders and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“tsk, nana. you never learn, do you?”

he was only met with guilty eyes and a dazzling smile that was a little too close to his face.

_god, why did na jaemin have to be so damn charming._

——

it was a thursday afternoon and class had just finished. the three members of the greener world club were sprawled across the floor in room 205.

jaemin and jisung were lying on their stomachs, thinking of ways to make the people at least acquire a sense of urgency regarding the worsening condition of the earth. donghyuck, on the other hand, lay flat on his back and mindlessly scrolled through twitter, all while humming to the tune of an 80’s classic hit.

“maybe we should work together with the garden club.”

this garnered both jaemin and donghyuck’s attention. they looked at jisung with odd expressions, before donghyuck broke the silence.

“we don’t have a garden club, dummy.”

“...we don’t?”

jaemin shook his head. the two then continued to brainstorm and when all luck seemed to be lost, jisung suddenly started hitting the floor in excitement.

he suddenly pointed at jaemin and with a wide smile, asked, “isn’t your dad a florist?”

confused, jaemin nodded for him to go on.

“maybe we can sell plants and flowers! that way, we can even educate them by giving out cards to the buyers and make your dad’s business boom as well.”

enthusiasm made its way to jaemin’s face as well and he mimicked jisung’s act of slapping the floor. his grin was wide and his eyes sparkled under the light.

“ah, baby! you’re amazing.” he smiled at the younger.

jisung felt his heartbeat quicken once again and he chuckled nervously, not trusting himself with a substantial reply. instead, he opted to merely smile back and shrug. he still hadn’t gotten used to jaemin’s petname for him and would every time he’d hear it, his breath would hitch and his cheeks would flush. all he could do was pray that jaemin wouldn’t ever notice.

jisung knew it was not a good idea to associate jaemin with anything because it would only lead him to falling deeper for the boy. it meant that he’d think of the elder even more than he currently does, which is already way more than a friend should.

however, one night when sleep didn’t bless him right away, and nothing seemed to work to lull him to sleep, he decided that he’d just lay down and think about anything that would come to mind. this led jisung to twenty minutes of just enumerating everything that he loved about jaemin. after this, he had also come to the conclusion that he liked to describe jaemin and himself as the sun and planets, respectively. jaemin was the sun; gravitating everyone towards him with his overflowing charisma and kindness. he was confident as he was his own light. he brought energy upon those who had managed to get close enough and jisung was glad he was one of the planets. jaemin was his sun and he was thankful for the gravitational pull that didn’t allow him to let go because god, he never wanted to let go. in the short time that they’d been acquainted with each other, he had become his light and guide, and he wasn’t going to let that light ever dim or leave him.

jaemin got up from the floor to get his phone and call his father. as he made his way to his bag, he made sure to accidentally kick donghyuck’s thigh, leaving the latter whining and cradling his leg.

he sighed, “why can’t you be invested in this club like sungie?”

donghyuck huffed in reply. once the boy was out of earshot, he turned to jisung, ready to tease the young boy once more.

“maybe it’s because i’m not pining over the pres.” he laughed. jisung, who was unimpressed, used his long legs to his advantage and roughly kicked the boy’s leg. donghyuck groaned and glared at him, muttering, “what is it with these two and kicking me.”

chuckling, jisung shrugged, “‘cause you’re always asking to get kicked.”

——

it took a while before the school approved of their project. jaemin’s mother even paid a few visits to the school as well, just to make sure that the authorities wouldn’t just leave their proposal untouched.

two weeks before the start of selling, jaemin and his friends were all pressed up together inside minhyung’s small car. they were on their way to the local floral shop owned by jaemin’s dad to see the different plants and flowers that they’d sell.

the others had been kind enough to volunteer as helpers for the event. it was for a good cause, they said.

minhyung, who was driving, kept scolding donghyuck for putting his feet up on the dashboard. as expected, the younger didn’t listen and just adjusted to make himself even more comfortable in the passenger seat.

the three boys in the backseats were all in their own separate worlds too. renjun, who was situated in the middle of the other two, plugged his earphones on to drown in music. perhaps he also wanted to zone out and forget just how gross the two boys beside him were.

jaemin had his arm wrapped around renjun’s shoulders. his eyes stayed glued on the window, watching the buildings, trees, and people swiftly pass by him. in contrast to his eyes, though, his hand couldn’t stay still.

at first, it simply drew circles on renjun’s shoulder. however, after a while it began to creep its way unto jisung’s shoulder. he tapped along to the song blasting on renjun’s earphones, catching jisung’s attention. jisung, widely intrigued, stared at the boy whose eyes remained trained on the buildings and pedestrians. he pursed his lips to control his growing smile and let his eyes linger on the boy’s hand for a while before turning his gaze back to the window as well.

when he felt the hand disappear from his shoulder, he couldn’t help but feel dissatisfied at the lack of contact. however, when the hand delicately brush against his cheek, he no longer tried to stop himself from smiling. instead, he savored the moment.

there was slight pain on his face as jaemin suddenly tugged on his cheek but the bliss that the boy managed to bring to him overpowered the discomfort.

he was pulled out of his thoughts at the sound of renjun’s irritated groans. renjun squirmed in his place before swatting jaemin’s hand away from jisung’s cheek, catching the boy’s attention. both boys had no choice but to turn towards the aggravated boy.

“jesus, teens these days won’t let anything stop them from flirting.” he grumbled.

the boy harshly tapped on jisung’s leg and suddenly squished himself between jisung and the door, disregarding minhyung’s protests of it being unsafe to abruptly move while in a moving car.

this forced jisung to scooch over to jaemin’s side. the elder didn’t seem bothered by this. in fact, he merely shrugged and bound the younger in his arms, cooing at the youngest of the five.

“don’t listen to him, jisung-ah. he’s just deprived of affection.”

jaemin smiled at him with such sincerity; it made jisung question if he could look at other people that way as well.

see, he had never once looked at how jaemin gazed at the other boys, afraid of comparing his value with the others, so he didn’t have a clue on whether or not jaemin’s eyes held something special just for him. for now, though, it comforted him how jaemin’s gaze was on him and him alone.

“can’t let my baby grow up bitter like renjun!” he exclaimed, removing one hand from jisung’s side to ruffle the boy’s hair.

once they’d reach the shop, renjun toppled out of the car with a loud _finally!_

without waiting for the other boys, he ran inside the shop. the rest of the boys snickered to themselves before they followed suite and greeted jaemin’s father.

“hey dad, this is jisung.” jaemin introduced him. jisung bowed out of respect and smiled politely at the man, who nodded back at him. the man sported the same contagious smile that jaemin always wore. it made jisung feel warm inside, seeing the two together.

“what are you kids waiting for, go look for the prettiest plants and flowers!” he pushed the two away, leading them to the other boys that were goofing around near the cacti.

surprisingly, the trip ended up being successful despite it starting out all chaotic. jaemin and minhyung tried to control the boys but renjun and donghyuck only bickered the whole time over which plants and flowers were better than the other while jisung roamed around the large area, getting lost.

after a while of trying to talk over the two quarreling boys, jaemin sighed and gave up, opting to just look for the other missing boy. he left the responsibility of supervising to minhyung, who whined but nodded anyway.

jaemin ventured onto the back of the shop and into the wide garden in hopes of finding jisung there. thankfully, jaemin could easily spot the orange hair standing out in the middle of all the greens.

“d’you find anything you like?” he asked, walking up to the young boy.

frightened at the sudden sound, jisung’s shoulder’s shook. his hands automatically turned to fists and he held them up as self defense. he let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding when he saw jaemin’s confused yet amused smile.

he pointed at one of the flowers enclosed in a pot. he didn’t know what the flower was but he was drawn towards it. everything in the garden was absolutely breathtaking, don’t take him wrong, but he felt a strong pull to this unnamed flower. perhaps the fact that its tips were dipped pink, giving it a physical similarity to jaemin, served as one of the reasons. he didn’t know that yet, though. right now, he just thought the flower was pretty.

“hmm, I think that’s the picotee begonia.” jaemin wondered out loud, “not sure though.”

jisung nodded. his eyes didn’t leave the flower and jaemin noticed. he nudged the younger boy and gestured for him to take it, “keep it.”

jisung rubbed the nape of his neck before turning his gaze on jaemin. he smiled sheepishly and shook his head, “i don’t know how to take care of plants.”

“i’ll text you the guidelines then.”

“…okay, i guess.”

he bent down to take the flower, admiring it up close before actually grabbing on to the pot. the two then made their way back to the others.

fortunately, the previously bickering two had finally stopped and minhyung gladly reported that they’ve decided which plants and flowers they were going to sell. he also mentioned that jaemin’s father had approved of their choices, as they still had a lot of those in stock.

jaemin clapped in delight, anticipation radiating around him. the four boys smiled back at their anchor, his infectious smile doing wonders to them once again.

that night, jisung decided to visit his best friend as he was in dire need of advice. sure, cellphones existed and he could have easily texted chenle instead. however, he claimed that he was in deep trouble and he needed the other to be with him physically, and not just over the phone.

“lele, i’m so dead.” he said, face extremely serious, one would even think he was older than he actually was. he let himself fall back on chenle’s bed and tugged on his hair.

chenle stared at him oddly. he slapped jisung’s forehead and leaned back on his bed, mindlessly switching the channel on the tv.

“is this about that boy you keep gushing about?” he asked. placing a hand over his heart, he spoke an octave higher to mock the young boy.

“lele, you wouldn’t believe how he looked at me today! lele, he held my hand today! chenle, he looked so adorable earlier i wish you could have seen him! lele, he called me bab-”

chenle’s statement got cut off when a pillow hit him square on the face. jisung swore he would have dropped chenle’s ass if their parents weren’t best friends as well. chenle swore that jisung was just a talker and not a doer.

he kept the pillow on chenle’s face, while the other slapped his arm multiple times in an attempt to get rid of the thing suffocating him. eventually, jisung’s arm began to ache and he let go of the pillow.

he was faced by a red, glaring chenle. jokingly, chenle made a move to get up and leave, but was stopped by jisung attaching himself to chenle’s arm. he played along and whined for chenle to stay and help him.

“just as i thought.” he snickered, pleased by the victory.

“you talk as if you can leave this place.” jisung retorted.

“touché.”

chenle leaned back down and got comfortable on the bed, waiting for jisung to start talking. when he didn’t, chenle pinched his arm.

groaning, jisung grumbled, “okay, okay!”

he took a deep breath before rushing his words, “perhaps i’m in love with him or something, i don’t know.”

chenle eyed him. “are you sure? do you even know what love feels like?”

he ran a hand through his hair several times, a habit he’d grown accustomed to every time he got frustrated or overwhelmed.

it was true that he didn’t actually know what love was. he didn’t know what the feeling he had for jaemin was either; he just knew it made him feel fuzzy and amazing. wasn’t that how people described love as?

he gulped, “well, no, not really. but maybe this is it.”

his friend could only nod.

both of them were still young and clueless, and chenle didn’t know what love was either so he didn’t think he could be of much help to jisung. all he could do was provide support for his best friend because if this was love, and it was supposedly going to make a person’s life happier, he’d want nothing more than let his best friend experience it.

“then tell him.” chenle suggested.

this earned him a push to the chest. he glared at jisung for the second time that night, and pushed him back.

“what was that for?” he rubbed his chest.

jisung groaned. “it’s not that easy, lele. i can’t just go up to him and say i love him.”

“sure you can.”

“this isn’t a cliché movie though. there’s a bigger chance of him just laughing at me and calling me a cute baby than actually taking me seriously.”

chenle flicked jisung’s forehead. “you have too little faith in him. besides, you’ll never know until you actually do it.”

jisung hated how chenle was always right despite having little experience in the world. he liked to call chenle an old wise man whenever he wanted to tease the boy, but there had always been a tinge of truth behind his nickname. chenle didn’t know it but he really was the greatest influence in jisung’s life.

so he sighed, knowing that he’d really have to confess sooner or later. he had only realized it after minhyung dropped him off at his house and jaemin personally walked him to his door, but he really was itching to tell jaemin his feelings already.

_he almost let it slip when jaemin hugged him goodbye. he had gripped jaemin’s arm when the elder was about to leave, causing him to look back with puzzled eyes. truth be told, jisung wasn’t certain of why he suddenly moved without thinking._

_panicked eyes met puzzled ones and jisung blinked back, saying the first thing that came to his mind. “shinee’s minho…”_

_jaemin’s face morphed into ease, cooing at the young boy. he giggled and felt his hand reach out to comb through jisung’s hair._

_“ah, baby, you’re too cute. do you like them?” he smiled, “i have a few of their albums i could give you, if you want.”_

_not knowing what to do, jisung chose to just nod. he was blinded by the alluring grin and couldn’t speak._

_“anything for you.” jaemin said. his hand fell from jisung’s hair and landed on his cheek, causing the younger to tense up. his imagination went wild and as if jaemin could read his thoughts, he smiled and pinched his cheeks. when he pulled back, jisung felt a sense of dismay at the lack of warmth but still chose to mask it with a struggling smile._

_he stumbled backwards and waved at jaemin, then turned a bit to the side to wave at the others._

_once he entered the comfort of his home, he decided that he was screwed. the urge to confess began to eat him up inside yet he didn’t know how and when he was supposed to do it. he needed a sign from the universe to tell him, literally anything just to serve as the go signal._

now, he supposed, the sign really did come and it came in the form of his best friend.

“i’ll do it soon.” he said, voice laced with finality.

“good. you’re not allowed to come back here until you confess to jaemin.” chenle smirked, eyes filled with mischief. he knew that jisung liked to visit him, even though he constantly denied it, so to make the boy confess sooner, he did what he had to do.

“now shoo,” chenle pushed him off the bed. “the nurse will come here in a while to take me to the ortho for my session,”

he motioned for jisung to leave and the younger sighed as he put his shoes back on. with one last look and salute to his best friend, he turned around to leave the room.

“good luck and kiss the shit out of him, ji!” he heard. he shook his head but chuckled at the comment.

——

“how’s the flower doing? still alive?” jaemin asked.

jisung left the phone on speaker as he went and looked for clothes to wear for when he finally confesses to jaemin. he hummed in reply before realizing that the receiver probably wouldn’t hear him.

“yup! i named it too.” he said, voice starting out confident yet falling flat by the end of it as he realized he’d have to say the name out loud now. jisung slapped his forehead.

he heard jaemin snicker on the other end of the phone. there was a bit of commotion before the line went clear again. jaemin cleared his throat and spoke.

“what’s the name?”

jisung felt his cheeks grow warm and he was thankful that the other boy wasn’t there to see it. he scrunched his nose and gave himself a short pep talk, before he nodded to himself and spoke.

“i named it nana so i’d be more motivated to take care of it.” his face was full on pink now. he buried his face in his hands as he couldn’t believe that he actually said that out loud.

on the other end of the line, jaemin choked and coughed. it took him a while to recover and jisung kept silent as he waited in pure agony for the response.

once he had settled down, jaemin laughed softly, filling jisung’s room with warmth and bliss. jisung could finally remove his face from his hand. he stared at the source of the sound and felt his heart tug as he listened.

“ah, well i’m honored to have your flower named after me. hopefully, we’ll be able to motivate even more people tomorrow when we sell.”

jisung cleared his throat and went back to looking for clothes.

“by the way,” he said, “stripes or plain?”

jaemin hummed for a while, before responding with, “stripes, definitely.”

jisung nodded. he searched his whole closet for all of his striped shirts. he’d managed to narrow it down to two: a blue and white vertical striped polo and a simple oversized red and black top.

“red or blue?”

he heard jaemin’s laugh once again and he smiled at this. “what’s this for?”

jisung released a whine, not wanting to think of an excuse this time. “just answer, nana!”

jaemin sighed dramatically, “red.”

“thanks!”

“too cute, sungie.”

both ends of the phone were quiet but they were still comfortable. jisung hummed along to the tune of one of those newly released songs as he tried the shirt on, while jaemin shuffled around, doing god knows what. he could hear minhyung and jaemin’s father talking in the background and he concluded that they were probably in the floral shop. he’d hear jaemin talk too but he didn’t reply until it was directed to him.

“baby,”

his ears perked up at the nickname he still hadn’t grown accustomed to. he let a sound elicit from the back of his throat to signify that he was listening.

“i have to go, dad asked me and minhyung to do something.” jisung swore that he could hear jaemin’s disappointment as he spoke. once again, his hope for reciprocation rose and he told heart to push it back.

the smile on his face, however, said otherwise.

“no worries.”

jaemin let out one last heartfelt laugh before he bid farewell. “i love you, baby. see you tomorrow!”

the receiver froze. this was the first time that jaemin has ever said that to him. his voice held sincerity, along with a tinge of playfulness. jisung focused more on the sincerity part of it though.

so to say that his heart skipped a beat was no lie. he felt his heart beat so loud he could barely hear anything else.

jisung barely even noticed that it took jaemin five full seconds before he could even put the phone down.

he had to focus on his breathing as he’d fallen back to the start once more, where his brain stem failed him and left him to control his breathing and heart beat on his own. jisung was ashamed to say that he’d spent the whole day (and night) overthinking.

the next day, he woke up with a pounding headache as he’d barely gotten any sleep from the night before. he groaned and got up, dreading the events that would occur on that day. not only would he have to worry about the selling, he’d also planned on confessing to jaemin right after, which just added to his pile of worries.

he let his head run through his plan once again. first, he’d focus solely on the selling of the plants and flowers. surely, jaemin would appreciate him taking the whole event seriously. then depending on the outcome of the said event, he’d either take jaemin out on a _friendly,_ student budget date (if all goes well) or just sit with the boy in the park and let him rant about anything and everything (if the selling doesn’t go as planned and people don’t buy). either way, he’d end the day with a short and simple confession; one that took him an embarrassingly long time to compose.

_“nana, please don’t laugh at me for saying this but climate change is just at our doorstep and i’d hate to be cockblocked by nature. so while the earth is still intact, and before 2030 comes, would you want to, maybe, go out with me? like as my boyfriend?”_

he could practically feel the rejection when he recalled his confession. jaemin was going to think that he was such a dork.

nevertheless, he still sent jaemin a quick text saying: _are you excited for today!!!_

it was quite odd, though. jaemin usually texted back rather fast, but jisung disregarded it as him setting up and being too busy to have his phone with him.

he even went to school extra early despite his body’s protest. heading straight to room 205, his head tilted, seeing the room unusually empty. huh. how peculiar.

jisung decided to make his way down to the pavilion where they’d be holding the event. there, he found donghyuck, who was sitting on a chair, with no set up around him.

everything felt odd that day. he thought that they were highly prepared for the event and yet here he and donghyuck were, awfully confused with what was happening.

“have you seen jaemin?”

donghyuck met his gaze and shook his head. “minhyung and jaemin were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. the shitheads aren’t even replying.”

jisung chewed on the inside of his cheek. he sent both boys separate texts asking where they were, and after twenty more minutes of waiting and having to endure donghyuck’s rants about the two always being late for special events, jisung grew impatient as well.

donghyuck wasn’t actually mad at the two for being late, he’d known them long enough to not expect them to be there on time. he wasn’t bothered at all, he could never be when it came to minhyung (and jaemin, to an extent). he could sense the disappointment seeping through the younger boy, though. so he decided to lighten the mood by doing what he does best: annoying him.

”ya, jisung-ah. perhaps jaemin prepared a grandiose confession to you that they both got caught up with the preparations.” he wiggled his eyebrows at jisung.

unlike usual, jisung merely stared straight ahead, ignoring the elder’s playful glance and definitely disregarding the warmth that spread on the tip of his ears as well. he hoped that donghyuck wouldn’t take notice of the odd shade of pink, but he knew that this wasn’t his lucky day.

the boy suddenly stepped closer to his side as if he were observing his features. donghyuck even went as far as pinching his ear.

“wait a minute. are _you_ going to confess today?”

thinking there was no reason to deny, jisung nodded meekly.

donghyuck’s eyes widened and he raised both arms to rest on jisung’s shoulders. nervous eyes met excited ones.

”don’t stress yourself, kid,” donghyuck said, earning himself a glare when jisung heard the word _kid_. the elder shrugged in reply and continued, “i mean you don’t look as cute as jaemin and he’s kinda out of your league _but_ he loves you, so there’s that.”

there it was again. he’d heard it once more but this time it came from donghyuck, a secondary source. he wondered if jaemin had talked to anyone about him, seeing as donghyuck seemed to know what he was talking about. he also let his mind wonder about how jaemin would describe him to other people.

would he refer to him as his baby, like he’d always call jisung? did he only have positive things to say about him? what were the things that jaemin didn’t like about him?

several minutes had passed since donghyuck and jisung last exchanged words to each other. he forced himself to focus on the agenda and only think about the event. forget the fact that donghyuck, himself, spoke so confidently about jaemin _loving_ him back. forget the fact that there was a possibility that jaemin would confess to him as well today. the current time was alloted for the event and the event only. 

people had started arriving in school and they were wasting time. they could have already sold a few potted plants but because of the two, they were getting delayed. even renjun arrived earlier than them.

jisung sighed and stood up from his seat, catching both boy’s attentions.

“maybe they both slept in. i’ll run over to nana’s house and check.” he brushed off the stray dirt that fell on his lap and bid his farewell.

the walk, or jog, to jaemin’s house took longer than he expected. maybe it was because his mind was preoccupied with thoughts and worries. he’d thought of how he’d confess to jaemin, and even suggested to himself that maybe he should just confess right when he sees jaemin. at least then it would add to the shock factor, though he also did think that maybe jaemin already knew because apparently he was overly obvious.

he reached jaemin’s house after twenty minutes of jogging and overthinking, and he hated how he was now gross and smelly with all the sweat sticking to his skin.

 _great_ , he thought, _who confesses when they look their worst?_

albeit wanting to throw up, he still pushed himself up the steps and knocked on the front door. he took a step back and waited for someone to answer the door, but to his surprise, there was no commotion going on inside. he sent jaemin another text and knocked once again. again, there was no answer.

he pouted and let his legs take him to minhyung’s house instead. he was thankful that minhyung had once volunteered his house for the preparation of promotional materials so he knew the way to the boy’s house. as he made his way there, worry began to creep in. everything going on that day has been so peculiar. neither of the two responded to any of his messages and he hadn’t gotten any texts from renjun and donghyuck either saying that the two had arrived. he sighed and pushed the odd thoughts aside, and just focused on getting to his friend’s house instead.

he hurriedly knocked on the door when he got there, and thankfully, someone answered the door this time. he knew the woman to be minhyung’s mother. he smiled politely when he met the woman’s gaze, but the smile she returned was more forced than genuine.

she stared at him cautiously and he could only look back in confusion. _damn_ , he thought, _even minhyung’s mom was infected by the oddity of this day._

“you’re minhyung’s friend, right?”

he nodded.

“and- and jaemin’s too?”

again, he could only nod.

the woman gulped and sent him a sad smile again, directing him to minhyung’s room without saying another word.

he knocked softly, not really knowing what to expect from the other side of the room. because of the thin walls, he could hear minhyung moving but the boy didn’t open the door.

jisung sighed, something he’d been doing a lot today, and knocked again.

“we’re already running late on the event, dude! get up.”

still, the door remained unopened so jisung took it upon himself to open it. nevermind the fact that it was borderline a breach of privacy.

he twisted the knob and pushed the door open. the room was relatively clean, save for a few haphazardly discarded clothes. jisung also noticed the boy’s phone laying down near the door and mentally took note to scold the elder later for failing to respond to his texts. he immediately spotted minhyung lying under the sheets of his bed, barely moving.

jisung was ready to jump unto the bed and drag the elder up, but stopped when he got close enough to hear minhyung’s ragged breaths. his shoulders shook harshly and he didn’t even turn around to look at the younger.

“hyung?” he poked. no response.

now, jisung wasn’t one to care much about honorifics. he’d always get scolded by the boys for not respecting them but he never followed through. so for him to actually call minhyung with respect for once was a big thing. still, minhyung paid no mind to him and continued to attempt to control his breathing.

with this, jisung’s heart started to pound. if earlier, he kept denying it, now he was absolutely certain that something was wrong. his brain kept making up these scenarios that could possibly warrant for jaemin’s absence and minhyung’s current state, but his mind wouldn’t help him make up a story that made sense. he allowed himself to sit on the corner of the bed and just put his arm on the boy’s shoulder to let him know that he’s with him. jisung knew that he wasn’t the best at comforting, especially when he had no clue with what was happening, but he was certain that simply being there for the person was enough sometimes.

he’d long forgotten about the event and ignored the texts he received from renjun and donghyuck. jisung just stayed with minhyung, spending the next seven minutes in silence. the only sound that echoed around the room was minhyung’s sniffling and jisung’s occasional feet taps.

“i’m sorry.” he managed to say in between his breaths, finally turning to face jisung.

jisung took a look at his friend and felt his heart sink. minhyung’s eyes were lifeless and bloodshot, and his skin was pale. he could tell that the latter didn’t get enough sleep — or any sleep at all.

he found himself pitying the elder. minhyung was the most calm and collected boy that jisung knew, he would never have expected the elder to be breaking down right in front of him. it honestly scared him as he knew that whatever the cause was, it was serious.

“hyung?”

tears flowed freely down minhyung’s cheeks and he made no effort to wipe them off. he slowly sat up and gripped jisung’s arm, almost as if needing it for support. jisung let him hold onto his arm, but found his other hand making it’s way to his chest, kneading at his aching heart.

“i tried- i really tried to stop him,” he hiccupped, grip tightening on jisung’s arm. the younger boy was numb to the physical pain but felt his heart tug deeper and harder. his eyebrows furrowed, confusion and fear evident on his face.

“you’re scaring me, hyung.” he muttered, gulping.

 _what,_ he thought, _what’s making minhyung act this way?_

“jaemin… he’s just-“ he paused, almost as if he couldn’t choke the words out.

at the mention of his name, jisung’s ears perked up. he found his jaw clenching and heart leaping to his throat. his mind ran in all directions, waiting for minhyung to continue. when he didn’t, he took it upon himself to urge him to, not even caring about the boy’s situation anymore. it was selfish, he knew that, but he just needed the mystery to be over.

“hyung, what the fuck is happening?” his voice wavered as he spoke. tears welled up in his eyes as his mind went in all directions. he wasn’t even sure why he felt like crying but just that thought of something remotely bad happening to jaemin already made his stomach churn.

“he’s gone, jisung.” he spoke through clenched teeth.

more drops fell from minhyung’s eyes. this time, he let his hand roughly wipe away the continuously falling tears. even through his pain, he still tried to be strong and explain. jisung would have admired him for still trying to be sensible in the given situation but even he wasn’t thinking right when he heard what minhyung had to say.

though his words were almost indistinguishable from his cries and gasps for breath, jisung could still make out the most important details. everything that came out of minhyung’s mouth overwhelmed jisung but he honestly couldn’t bring himself to believe it.

“don’t make those kinds of jokes, hyung. i know he says shit like that all the time but… it’s always just a joke.” his voice broke. if earlier his mind was going haywire, now, it was just a blank sheet. he couldn’t understand how minhyung could make such a cruel joke.

“jisung…” minhyung tried to reach out to him. he didn’t know if he was attempting to comfort jisung or himself but the younger boy didn’t let him touch him. instead, he pushed himself off the bed and stumbled back.

his vision was blurry but he didn’t allow the tears to fall. he couldn’t. he swallowed the lump on his throat and with all his power, spoke. “no.”

jisung’s thumb went up to swipe across the side of his nose and he glared at the elder. “your joke isn’t funny hyung, stop it.”

“please, jisung.”

he let his teeth sink into he lower lip, deeply inhaling through it. blood began to draw from the ampunt of pressure he had exerted but he didn’t care.

“what?” he said, keeping his eyes on the boy in the bed, “is he in on this joke too? wow, you’re all so _fucking_ cruel, hyung.”

“i wish i was joking, jisung.” was the last that he heard before he left the room and shut the door. he didn’t even attempt to smile at minhyung’s mother on his way out. jisung simply speed walked out and went to the only place he could find solace in.

he found himself knocking at chenle’s room, not even caring if the neighboring rooms found him to be an asshole with his obnoxiously loud and harsh pounding. after hearing a faint _come in!_ he pushed the door open and quietly closed it behind him. as always, he found chenle lying on the bed and staring intently at the tv.

chenle hadn’t looked at the visitor yet but he could already tell that it was his best friend. even with the distance, he could already feel the boy’s presence.

“did you already confess?” he probed, eyes not leaving the bright screen. "because if not, then you best get your ass out of here and do it. today's the big day, dude!"

jisung could only blink and purse his lips. the walk from minhyung’s house to the hospital made him physically and emotionally numb. he was surprised he even made it that far by just dragging his feet because god he was just so drained. he let out a satirical chuckle and didn’t care when his voice cracked, “no.”

the tone alarmed chenle and he immediately caught sight of the broken boy. he turned the tv off, leaving the two silent in the now dim room. the only light source was the small gap between the two curtains. through this, jisung saw chenle motion for him to come closer and he obliged.

through all the years that they’ve known each other, chenle had come to know jisung like the back of his hand. he knew that the boy hated it when people saw him cry so he did the best that he could to make jisung comfortable at the moment.

“what’s wrong? did he hurt you, because i swear i’ll wheel my way out of this hospital just to break his kneecaps.”

another sarcastic chuckle broke the silence, and it broke chenle’s heart because it was so out of jisung’s character.

“i wish you could do that.”

chenle furrowed his eyevrows, “what’s going on, ji?”

jisung stared at chenle, face void of any expression save for exhaustion. his mouth was slightly agape and his hair stuck on his forehead. the silence was unbearable for chenle but he couldn’t force the boy to speak. he examined the boy’s stature and noticed how his hands were visibly trembling on his sides, giving him a clue on how the boy felt deep down.

with a small inaudible sigh, he pulled jisung onto the bed to sit and whispered, “you can cry, it’s okay.”

as if on cue, jisung’s eyes welled up once again and this time, the tears fell freely on his cheeks and unto his pants. his heart was screaming to get out and it was genuinely hurting him. it hurt everywhere and he just wanted it all to stop because he felt so weak.

jisung wished that he actually believed his past statement about everything just being a joke. at least then, he could hold on to the string of hope he’d created. but he believed every word that came out of minhyung’s mouth as he knew that between the two of them, it was minhyung’s words that were true.

“i hate him, chenle. i hate him so much.”

he wanted to take back ever thinking that jaemin made him feel strong because he felt so helpless and pathetic right now. jaemin wasn’t supposed to do this to him; he had promised to always be there to care for jisung and he was just going to leave so suddenly? it was so unfair to jisung and he was so angry because it wasn’t supposed to work that way.

god, he was so angry at jaemin. he really did do jisung dirty this time. he didn’t know how much he affected the young boy and he couldn’t even take responsibility for his actions. now, he’d never know just what he’s done to the boy.

his anger towards the universe was unbeatable at that moment as well. it truly had the audacity to give him a sign to confess to the boy, only to take the boy away from him. he hated how whoever was up there was probably laughing at him and his crushed hopes and his crushed heart. 

chenle just let the young boy cry in front of him. the only comfort he could give was stroke the boy’s side and allow him to release all the tears.

jisung swiped a thumb across his nose then stared straight at chenle.

“jaemin and his friend were mugged and he got stabbed,” he bit his lip harshly to stop the tears from falling but he failed. contrary to what he hoped, they came harder than before.

“he’s dead, lele.” it hurt even more now that he’s said it out loud.

he’s never hurt like this before.

jisung’s already torn a ligament when he was thirteen. he’d tumbled off a tree once in the second grade. he also fell on his back multiple times in a day when he was learning how to do a backflip. jisung was even bit by a doberman once. but somehow, this pain, one that wasn’t even physical, managed to surpass all the agony he’s ever felt in his life. even adding all his hurt together couldn’t beat the harsh tugging of his insides right now.

jisung hated whatever situation he was in. he was only sixteen; he wasn’t supposed to experience anything like this. he was supposed to be making dumb mistakes and confessing to boys he knew wouldn’t like him back, not crying over the fact that one of his best friends and the first boy he’s ever loved was never coming back.

“ji, i’m so sorry.”

jisung could feel his heart tearing itself apart. he wished he could just wake up from this cruel dream so the pain would stop. but even the harshest pinch didn’t wake him up. this was real and he couldn’t do anything to change it.

when he went home that day, the first thing that he saw was nana, the plant he received from the boy. it took all his might to suppress the urge to chuck the pot across the street. coming home to a plant with pink tips almost made him think the world was mocking him. because he’d just gotten this plant a week ago and now the only other pink thing that mattered to him was taken away. he wished he could trade that fucking plant so he could get the boy back because at this point, he didn’t give a rat’s ass about the plant anymore. he just wanted jaemin back.

he closed his eyes and forced a deep breath in and out. he went to his room, shut the door, and didn’t leave until after a week.

his parents were initially raged by their son’s lack of motivation. they’d come marching in, equipped with harsh words that only dug a deeper hole in his heart, but he never responded to them. he just kept his eyes trained on the window, staring straight at the sky — and sun, occasionally — with no intention of looking away.

the berating and anger only stopped after three days, when donghyuck, minhyung and renjun knocked on their house and greeted his mother with sad smiles. the three boys wore formal clothes, and it was quite obvious to jisung what that meant.

once the situation had been explained thoroughly to his mother, the three gathered in jisung’s room and invited him to the funeral. it would be the last time that they’d be able to physically see him, they reminded jisung. hearing that only weakened his heart further, and he politely declined the offer. the three were kind enough to not question his choice. they each gave him a hug before leaving, with minhyung’s lasting the longest as if he were passing on the last bit of energy he had left unto jisung.

that night, he heard his door open with a small creak. he had his head turned to the window and away from the door, leaving his back side vulnerable. he felt the bed dip and a slender arm wrap itself around his body, almost protectively.

”i’m sorry, baby. i didn’t know.”

jisung froze when he heard the petname. he could only nod back and let out a shaky breath. his mother stayed with him that night and he was comforted by her presence. she didn’t ask him questions about the boy and he was glad, because he wasn’t ready to talk about him. heck, he couldn’t even say his name out loud without feeling a tear drop to his cheek.

he missed jaemin. he really did. jisung never let him leave his thoughts, as that was the only place where he was still alive. he was afraid that if he even stopped thinking about the boy for a second, he’d slowly forget about him and all the memories they shared together

he recalled the time when jaemin caught him getting jealous over him being touchy with minhyung. the time when the two attempted to find a shortcut from school to jaemin’s house, only to get lost and forced to call jaemin’s father to pick them up. he thought back to when jaemin agreed to let him pick the sweets they’d buy as a limited friend offer, he said, and led to the two boys finding out that dark chocolate was _not_ jaemin’s favorite.

out of all the memories that he’d recalled, he distinctly remembered one afternoon to be his favorite memory of jaemin. the two were sprawled across the floor in room 205, waiting for donghyuck to arrive. their backs were pressed to the floor and they’d turned the lights off, with the claim of a twenty minute nap. slowly, jaemin reached out to take jisung’s hand in his, moving it up until it rested right on his chest. jisung could feel the boy’s steady heartbeat. neither of them spoke up until the lights flickered and turned on, a confused donghyuck standing by the door. donghyuck shot the boy a questioning look, but jaemin beat him to an answer.

”nap time,” he shrugged. donghyuck didn’t question it further.

thinking back to all their memories left jisung both nostalgic and bitter. some of their times together, he’d never understood. he supposed he’d never understand them now as the answers were now definitely locked up in a box, with the key tossed where he’d never be able to get it.

he didn’t have to understand his favorite memory though. what he felt that time, absolute contentment and euphoria, was enough for him.

——

jisung forced himself to eat lunch. he was sat alone on their table, adjacent to the one where jaemin always sat at. the other boys still were still in the queue for food.

it had been twenty eight days since that day and twenty five since the funeral. he chose not to attend both the wake and the funeral. he couldn’t bring himself to see jaemin peacefully asleep knowing that he wasn’t ever going to wake up.

everything still seemed unfair to him. jaemin, who was everyone in their circle’s sunshine, wasn’t supposed to actually die before 2030. it was just a stupid joke that he always said but he was never serious.

he let out a bitter laugh as he ate, the universe sure is a dick that can’t take a joke.

he felt a hand softly rub his back and he turned to see renjun who had just sat beside him. minhyung and donghyuck had taken the seats beside renjun and were now quietly eating their food.

the four boys ate in silence for a while, each minding their own business. the silence enabled jisung to let his thoughts wander back to jaemin, who up to now, still hasn’t left his mind. he was ashamed to admit that he initially felt angry towards the boy.

 _maybe_ , he thought, _if jaemin wasn’t such a brave guy, he wouldn’t have attempted to fight back. he would have just given his bag and ran for his life._

but after he gave it more thought, he realized that it wouldn’t be the jaemin that he knew if he just ran away instead of facing the man. even until the end, jaemin still chose to fight for what he believed in.

in the short time that he’d known jaemin, he’d managed to learn so much from the boy. he was such a fighter, something that jisung never was. jaemin became his inspiration, and so he made a silent promise, one that he knew jaemin would still hear even if he didn’t way it out loud, that he’d continue jaemin’s fight for him.

his thoughts were cut off by a hand that fell on top of his. he looked up from his tray to see minhyung, who shared a sad smile with him.

a week after the incident, when he finally found the courage to get up and out of bed, he found himself walking to minhyung’s house. once he found the boy, the two just sat on the front porch and talked about jaemin. minhyung shared his and jaemin’s childhood stories, leaving both boys on a laughing fest when jisung found out that jaemin had once convinced minhyung that he was related to sharpay and ryan evans from high school musical.

before he left the boy’s house, jisung also apologize for his childish reaction when minhyung broke off the news to him. minhyung said he understood and would have reacted the same way as well, and they departed with a hug.

“you know,” minhyung retracted his hand once he got the boy’s attention. “you may have never known for real if nana liked you back but i’m sure you felt it.”

he took a sharp intake of breath and just gaped at minhyung. he didn’t know how to react and just sat in his seat, unmoving. minhyung continued.

“or maybe you didn’t notice it,” he let out a soft (and borderline nostalgic laugh) as he recalled jaemin’s actions, “i’m his best friend so i guess everything’s obvious in my eyes. but remember when we ate ice cream that one time?”

he nodded. the memory was still fresh in his mind, just like every other memory that involved jaemin.

_“gather up, oldies!” jisung animatedly said, “ya boy just passed his bio test so i’m gonna be nice today and treat you all to ice cream!”_

_he felt bold that day, mostly because he was elated that he managed to pass a test that he forgot to study for, so he took a hold of jaemin’s hand and dragged him. he could only hope that the others would follow them, though it wouldn’t bother him that much if they chose not to. if that was the case then he’d only need to treat jaemin, and maybe even turn it into a date._

_unfortunately, the other three didn’t pass up on the offer and tagged along._

_jisung ordered for five, not forgetting to ‘accidentally’ order one big one for jaemin and brought all the food to their table. everyone spent the whole afternoon telling tales that happened to them that week and jisung felt content with his life that moment. he was sat beside jaemin, who had a habit of wrapping his arm around jisung to envelope the boy in his warmth._

“did you know that jaemin’s lactose intolerant?” minhyung asked him, a silly smile resting on his face. he could still see a tinge of sadness hidden behind the mask the elder put up but he made no comment on it. instead, he just shook his head.

“he elbowed me when i was going to mention it and just told me that you looked too happy, he didn’t want to ruin it and make you panic.” he shrugged.

he felt warm after hearing minhyung’s statement. however, a small part of him still longed for a chance that jaemin would come back. or even a clue in the past so that he would’ve confessed immediately just so that he could have at least a day or an hour where he could call jaemin his.

he nodded and forced a weak smile in the elder’s direction. his eyes found their way to donghyuck’s own, who sent him a knowing smile. he recalled their conversation when donghyuck found out about jisung’s planned confession. adding these information together, he thought that maybe, _just maybe,_ jaemin did love him back. he bit back a sad smile and carried on eating.

the chatter came to a halt once more and he resumed his thoughts about jaemin.

he thought back to the moments when they would spend the afternoon in room 205. jaemin would share all these facts about nature and though at first he’d admit that he wasn’t that interested, he learned to grow fond of it too. as he thought back to more, he realized that jaemin’s fight really did have substance.

now that he was gone, jisung wasn’t going to let his dream die too. he sat up straight and called for all three boys’ attentions.

“do you guys want to- uh, continue the selling?” he asked, chewing on his bottom lip as he watched the different expressions that were painted on their faces.

renjun’s face held doubt. donghyuck’s was a mixture of shock and bewilderment. minhyung’s was unreadable.

the eldest was the first to respond though, relieving jisung from the sudden distress that he felt from the silence.

“okay,” he nodded.

eventually, donghyuck and renjun agreed as well.

“he’d give us individual slaps if he found out we cancelled it just because of him.” donghyuck joked. the three other boys couldn’t help but snicker quietly as donghyuck’s statement was filled with nothing but the truth.

compared to their first proposal, it only took two days for their second to get approved. they knew that it was because the board felt sympathy for them but they didn’t mind, just as long as they’d be able to fulfill jaemin’s goal.

now, they were setting up in the plants and flowers in the pavilion, with renjun leading him as he was the one with the most knowledge on aesthetics, as he claimed. once they were done, they waited for the students to come and to their surprise, they managed to sell more than they thought they would.

apparently, they weren’t the only ones that jaemin managed to make an impact to. as the students and faculty gathered to buy tiny plants and flowers, as well as claim tiny cards that displayed ways to reduce waste and such, they also shared stories about jaemin and how he influenced them to take small steps for change.

hearing these stories, jisung couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at the boy’s influence in their community. he may not be able to get over the boy and accept his passing immediately, nor did he think he would ever be able to do so, but he was comforted that he wasn’t alone and that he could share his memories with other people too.

“you see this, nana?” he heard someone shout. “you should be proud of yourself!”

donghyuck had his head turned to the sky and his hands cupped around his mouth. right beside him was minhyung, who had one hand on donghyuck’s back and another covering his eyes from the bright beam of the sky.

jisung couldn’t help but break out into a genuine smile for the first time in a while. he watched the people around him, all of which had different experiences with jaemin. some of them held small pots in their hands, adoring the tiny little plants that sprouted from it. he was glad that he’d suggested continuing the selling even with nana gone. there was still a bit of pain lingering in him, and he assumed the other three felt it too as they sold the items, knowing that it would be more memorable and enjoyable with jaemin by their side, but doing this was the least he could do for the boy that made him want to make his stay on earth more meaningful.

that day, he came home to the same plant that he’d almost thrown out. he bent down in front of the flower and smiled softly at it. “i hope you’re proud of me too, nana.”

 

end.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it this far then wow congrats on reading that shitfest idk what i was thinking when i wrote that and idk i feel like it lacked smth but i got too lazy to proofread and look for missing links so there's that
> 
> also, this fic is dedicated to ryu who’s not afraid to say that she loves fics where nana either dies or suffers (but still loves him irl w all her heart)
> 
> but okay here's my [twt](https://twitter.com/nchyuck) and [cc](https://curiouscat.me/wtfwonu) hmu ;)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [to die upon a kiss](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731765) by Anonymous 




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